In which Jessica dissects current pop culture phenomena

I don't understand why everyone is bitching about Britney Spears at the VMAs.

Was her performance lackluster? Yes. But what were we expecting? It's been long-established and accepted that the girl can't sing (though "Gimme More" has a sweet beat), and her much-publicized decisions as of late insinuated that she hasn't been operating with a clear head for about a year.

And really, are we done calling the woman fat? Try popping two adorably chubby-cheeked babies in two years before you judge her by her waistline, because given those circumstances, she looked pretty damn good (from the forehead down, anyway--I'm not going to get started on her weave).

Frankly, the most offensive thing about her performance was the spawning of Chris Crocker. I haven't even watched that video, because I'm already sick of that hideous mug infiltrating every virtual inch of the Internet. As a child, I had monsters in my closet who would beg for that douche to get work done and stop giving them nightmares.

I'm glad to know Kanye West, who publicly defended Spears and denounced MTV, is on my team. And I am on Team Kanye. Anyone who can reference both a Prince protege and the brand of gloves O.J. Simpson was acquitted of wearing in one song is my hero. I can't think of a single intelligent rhyme by 50 Cent, who has admitted to seeking to appeal solely to commercial interests. And my team won that battle.

If only the Jets, my football team, would do the same. Get well soon, Chad. And then start, otherwise I'm gonna owe a few guys at work some tip money.


*By Jess, who should be doing a crapload of political science reading.

Help our friends out!

Vote for Spitalfield here!
http://www.mtvu.com/music/freshmen/
They really deserve this and you can vote as many times as you want.


AND! Vote for the Jets here (or whoever, it's for charity so I won't get too mad at you):
http://chunky.com/clickforcansvote.aspx


*By Jess, who had a dream about the Junior Varsity last night and is looking forward to seeing them this weekend

All I want for Christmas (besides you, dear reader) is an end to shitty musical nepotism.

I'm not talking the father-son kind (because really, Bob Dylan's spawn did well with The Wallflowers, and Sean Lennon's new work is pretty damn good). I'm talking the sibling variety.

First we had Aaron Carter riding the coattails of his Backstreet Boy older brother, Nick. In an orange jumpsuit. And chains. On a trampoline. How utterly gangster, and I say that with an "er" instead of an "a" at the end deliberately.

Soon, we had the Duff sisters (Hilary, who hints occasionally that Aaron Carter actually inspired the hit "So Yesterday," despite her not really writing it), butchering my two favorite songs by two of my favorite bands of all time, The Go-Gos and Blondie. I feel that whoever allowed this to happen should be sent to Abu Ghraib. No paycheck is worth that humiliation. Oh, and speaking of "So Yesterday," I'd like to reiterate a lyric from that for you guys, only because I have to hear it at work every day: "If the light is off, then it isn't on." No shit, sister. The lightbulbs in your overpaid lyricist's heads must have been dimmed to the point of darkness to come up with such inane garbage.

Then we had the Simpson sisters trying to sing. As if Jessica weren't bad enough with her alternately wailing-whispering-hacking (I'm quite ashamed to have her as a namesake), we decided that we wanted more complete and total shit on radio, so we give her gravelly-"voiced" sister a record deal, and she winds up selling even more albums than Jessica ever did despite her ability to vocalize anything besides publicist-bullshit-diatribe (acid reflux my patootie) live being more than a little questionable.

And now, my friends?

Lindsay Lohan's little sister, Ali, is releasing a Christmas album.

If someone would give me a taser as a stocking stuffer, I'd put an end to this insanity.


*By Jess, who is happy that the Jets won today.