Insert popular Death Cab song title here.

I usually never make resolutions, seeing as I'm more than aware that I have little self-control or discipline to keep up with them for more than three hours or so past midnight, but this year I want to try my hand at a few. Some of last year's worked out well (taking my vitamins, not running red lights because I'm not paying attention, and learning to bellydance and giftwrap--not simultaneously). This year, some are again more goals than resolutions, but nonetheless, here's my list:

1) Learn to cook.
I want to be able to eat things that don't require the use of a microwave or toaster oven. I want to be able to boil water without using a Pyrex and 60-second setting. I want to be competent, dammit. I already taught myself to bake recently, so I'm hoping this works out as well as that did. I make some killer cookies, dude, so maybe a try at lasagna won't be too traumatizing. I'm also a germaphobe, so I can pretty much guarantee you'll never get salmonella from my cooking.

2) Have more patience.
This is going to be so hard, because I have to go from having "none" to having quite a bit. Pray for me. I forget that not everyone understands the same things I do, just like how I don't understand when in my life, other than finals week, I'm going to need to know how to compose a parabola.

3) Accept that not everything is always going to be under my control.
Though I must admit, I think if everything were, the world would be running a lot more smoothly than it is now. But yeah. I think I'll be a lot less frustrated a lot less often if I can just relinquish my need to run things all the time.

4) Be more punctual.
I'm usually late for everything. I don't like this characteristic, but I think it stems more from my being easily distracted than from pure carelessness, because I'll be completely ready to go--and then Prince will come on, and I'll have to dance, and I wind up out the door eight minutes later than anticipated (if the song is "Purple Rain," that is).

5) Learn how to fly a plane.
My dad can do it. My brother Steve can do it. Why shouldn't I be able to? (Insert chauvinist remark here.)

6) Stop rationalizing poor behavior.
See my reasoning for my lack of promptness in number four? Yeah, that's got to go. So does my leniency toward certain people for their lacks of consideration. I'm not going to be all tacky-manners-police about it (because that's rude in spite of itself), but if, despite my sincerest attempts at resolution two, I lose my patience--expect a proverbial slap on the wrist if it happens too often.

7) Go skydiving.
Steve, are you paying attention?

8) Love my enemies.
Okay, okay, maybe I won't necessarily adore them, but I'm starting to humanize them a little more already. People are people. Not everyone has to like everyone (though I still don't understand why there aren't more Jets fans).

9) Stop friggin' procrastinating.
I was actually going to wait until January 1st to post this. I'm on my way.

10) Learn learn learn.
The prospects of my marrying rich are getting bleaker every day... I need to study a lot more.


*By Jess, who has a new addiction to cherry Hershey Kisses, and hopes you'll all help keep her on track for 2007.