Literal and figurative food for thought.

I am so sick of people nagging me about my nutritional intake and eating habits.

It comes down to this: When I am hungry, I consume whatever food I happen to want at that moment. When I am full, I stop (usually). I am a picky eater and there are very few foods that fall within my "like" category, most of which are unhealthy (read: everything I enjoy besides Luna bars) and many that fall within my "yucky" category (read: seafood that isn't battered and fried beyond recognition, almost all vegetables save for the ones that pass for starches, and anything too ethnic because my tastebuds are inhabited by a bunch of dirty, no good bigots).

That said, if you are sixty pounds overweight and telling me that I shouldn't eat my apple turnover I'd been craving all day "because it's fattening," you really deserve to be vomited upon by an army of bitter bulimics. Conversely, if I am out to eat with you and don't finish my meal because I'm full, I'd appreciate your not criticizing me and telling me that I "never eat," especially if part of the reason I'm full is because I just ate a bowl of soup and a huge cheese danish. If I don't like something, I am not going to eat it. If I don't have room in my stomach for something and it isn't a steak or something irresistibly sugary, I am not going to eat it.

There are plenty of people out there with open weight and food issues, and plenty more with weight and food issues that they displace on others to avoid facing in themselves (thank you, Dr. Freud). If you're on a diet, good for you. If you want a heaving slice of chocolate layer cake, good for you too. Just remember that it's not my fucking problem.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there is a bag of Caramel Creams in my desk drawer waiting to be devoured and chased with Coke Zero, which I drink not because it's diet, but because I like the taste.


*By Jess, who hopes Obama and Clinton join forces.