In which Jessica dissects current pop culture phenomena

I don't understand why everyone is bitching about Britney Spears at the VMAs.

Was her performance lackluster? Yes. But what were we expecting? It's been long-established and accepted that the girl can't sing (though "Gimme More" has a sweet beat), and her much-publicized decisions as of late insinuated that she hasn't been operating with a clear head for about a year.

And really, are we done calling the woman fat? Try popping two adorably chubby-cheeked babies in two years before you judge her by her waistline, because given those circumstances, she looked pretty damn good (from the forehead down, anyway--I'm not going to get started on her weave).

Frankly, the most offensive thing about her performance was the spawning of Chris Crocker. I haven't even watched that video, because I'm already sick of that hideous mug infiltrating every virtual inch of the Internet. As a child, I had monsters in my closet who would beg for that douche to get work done and stop giving them nightmares.

I'm glad to know Kanye West, who publicly defended Spears and denounced MTV, is on my team. And I am on Team Kanye. Anyone who can reference both a Prince protege and the brand of gloves O.J. Simpson was acquitted of wearing in one song is my hero. I can't think of a single intelligent rhyme by 50 Cent, who has admitted to seeking to appeal solely to commercial interests. And my team won that battle.

If only the Jets, my football team, would do the same. Get well soon, Chad. And then start, otherwise I'm gonna owe a few guys at work some tip money.


*By Jess, who should be doing a crapload of political science reading.