Bad idea

E! Online reports that Medium casted Rumer Willis as a prostitute in an upcoming episode.

This is an extremely poor casting decision on a few different fronts. One, Rumer can't act. Two, no one actually likes her, so this won't garner any viewers. And three, it'll be hard for anyone to believe that anyone would pay to hit this (in the non-Chris Brown sense, at least).

*By Jess, whose coffee equivalent is Pepsi Max.

Jessica doesn't care if this offends you.

I'm beginning to think that the Roman numerals following "Pope Benedict" are indicative of his I.Q. Read on:

But the Vatican's controversial policy on condoms continues to be tested on a continent where AIDS has killed more than 25 million people since the 1980s.

While medical workers advocate the use of condoms to help prevent the spread of AIDS, the Church insists on fidelity within heterosexual marriage, chastity and abstinence.

"The problem cannot be overcome by distributing condoms. It only increases the problem," the pontiff told reporters on board the plane headed for Africa.

Then again, this is the same guy from the Hitler youth (a youthful indiscretion, surely) who said Queen, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, and The Beatles make "the Devil's music," so I can't say I'm shocked.


*By Jess, who was raised as a relatively non-practicing (read: hypocritical) Catholic.

Just a thought:

When Isaac Slade asks God "Where were you?", I want so badly to tell him: God is avoiding you, because your music is clearly a tool of Satan and Grey's Anatomy (vom!) marketing.

In short: The Fray is the new Nickelback. Every song sounds the same, every song is mediocre and boring and every song pretends to be deep--and somehow, an enormous amount of people buy this shit.


*By Jess, who ate far too much Valentine's Day candy in far too short a time span.

Love Songs That Aren't

In honor of St. Valentine's Day (you do know he was beheaded, right? Really romantic!), I've devised a list of songs that would horrify couples if they actually paid attention to (or understood) the lyrics while slowdancing.

"I Will Always Love You" - Whitney Houston, Dolly Parton
Despite the title, this is actually a breakup song. "It's Not You, It's Me" didn't flow as well with the melody.

"You Really Got a Hold On Me" - Percy Sledge
"I don't like you, but I love you" is something a kid says to their brother in an awkward, rare moment of bonding. It is not something you say to a lover when things are going well.

"How Do I Live" - LeAnn Rimes, Trisha Yearwood
Not only is there not a single rhyme anywhere in this song--seriously, check--but it's disturbing. You live the way anyone else would. You consume, you respirate. This is not a love song. It is a dependency song. It is a needy song. Ew, neediness. Gross.

"Your Song" - Elton John
Ladies, if a man really loved you? He'd know for sure what color your damn eyes are. Then again, that song wasn't written for us...

"Thinking of You" - Katy Perry
That's really cute. "When I'm boning him, I'm actually picturing you." That'll win him over!

"Love Story" - Taylor Swift
Listen, I like Taylor Swift. I think she's got an amazing ear for hooks and that she's almost ridiculously pretty. But this song just doesn't make sense. Romeo and Juliet killed themselves. Hester Prynne ("I was a scarlet letter") was an adulterer. This love story probably ends with herpes. Or worse.

"Every Breath You Take" - The Police
I am absolutely playing this at my wedding. I want whoever I'm marrying to know that if and when we break up, I will always know where he sleeps, but will maintain just enough distance to avoid violating my restraining order.


*By Jess, who actually loves Valentine's Day. Must be all the red.

Hypocrisy, thy name is Simpson.

I'm sure you've all seen the photos of a slightly more robust Jessica Simpson. Frankly, I think a lot of what seems like weight gain was the effect of unflattering pants (not everyone is built to rock a high waist)--but that's beside the point. The fact is, she's still betterlooking than I and a good 90% of the world's population, with or without an extra five pounds.

My issue is with her nepotist sister, Ashlee.

Following the release of Jessica's photos, Ashlee posted a blog saying that "All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard" and musing, "How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?" She also got really deep: "A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News."

Fair enough. I agree that Fox News has more pressing and pertinent things to run, like how our president's middle name is Hussein and that he's a Socialist.

But there are still three problems here, sweetheart. One, if you're going to embrace all sizes, at least be honest about them. Jessica Simpson is not a size 2. Neither was Jennifer Love Hewitt. I am not a size 2--I am lucky to squeeze my behind into a 6--but I don't lie about it to make myself feel better. I embrace my bodaciousness, and so do the creepy construction workers on West 57th.

Two, what the Hell does Obama have to do with this?

And three: You got a nose job. Pot, meet Kettle.


*By Jess, who craves peanut butter at a really inappropriate time.

Another lawsuit:

Contact Music reports that a fan is suing Insane Clown Posse for an injury he endured at one of their shows.

In other news, I'm suing Insane Clown Posse for the injuries I've endured to my auditory cortex.

*By Jess, who wouldn't mind if ICP and their fans were exiled to Guantanamo. They'd make for good, cheap torture for the last few days of the Bush regime, no?

In case you didn't notice before:

*By Jess, who likes Coldplay, but is on Team Satriani.

Dear Katy Perry,

You didn't get shafted, sweetheart. You got lucky.

As a manufactured posterchild for AutoTune, the fact that you even received a Grammy nomination in the Best Female Pop Vocal Performance category, despite not being able to sing live to save your life, is a pretty big deal. For you to then post a blog entry implying that you got "shafted" when you were "shut out" of the other categories is an insult. It's an insult to my ears and to the industry that morphed you from an attention-starved blonde Christian artist who can't sing to an attention-starved brunette pseudopinup who still can't sing but has good producers.

Any number of artists would kill just to get signed, let alone nominated for a Grammy in any one category, and this is how you thank the Academy?

Katy, you're not Kanye. Establish some credibility as an artist instead of as a puppet. Learn to sing live instead of jumping into cakes. Use your vocal chords to do your job instead of running your over-lipsticked mouth. The right to throw a tantrum is reserved to those with talent. Stop biting the hands that feed you, or you'll soon be starving--and you'll deserve that more than any award I can imagine.

Love,

*Jess, who is transparently biased.

The All-American Rejects sleep late.

Planet Verge caught up with close personal friend Nick Wheeler of the All-American Rejects, who discussed their new album, When the World Comes Down, a day in the life, and why he hates new lineups of classic rock bands.

How's New York treating you?
It's awesome! We're taping the Today Show tomorrow. That's gonna be fun, except soundcheck is at 6:15. In the morning. I'm going to bed by like, 5 p.m. tonight.

That's a lot earlier than you're used to.
Yeah, but it's cool 'cause we don't have a show tonight, so I'll be able to rest a little bit.



You guys have been touring for a while. What's a typical day like? Any fun debauchery?
No, no real debauchery... We're actually kind of boring. We'll sleep til around 12... Or 1... Or 2. Then we usually have to soundcheck by around 3. We have meet and greets daily, then it's showtime. But we do enjoy, as the British call them, "pints." We drink pints and watch a lot of movies on the bus.

Nice. What are your most-played DVDs?
We just finished Kickin' It Old School, and then there's the classics--your Big Lebowski, your Walk Hard and as always, your Kung Pow: Enter the Fist.

You were slated to play the Stone Pony. Isn't that small for you guys?
Yeah, we were gonna play there until they decided two days before that they felt like remodeling the roof. We like that we're playing smaller clubs and bars this tour. We haven't done that in a while. It feels good to get back to that.




What's the weirdest experience you've had at a meet and greet?
Some girl brought us Jell-o shots the other day. We didn't drink them, though. We didn't trust them. So we gave them to the opening band.

You gave the Jell-o shots to Jet Lag Gemini?
I'm just jokin'. I actually like those guys. I wouldn't do that to them, they're so nice.

You wrote your album all around the continent. What was your favorite or most inspiring locale?
We had the most fun in this random cabin in the woods in Georgia. We were there for 12 days and it was pretty insane. We'd wake up around 3 p.m. and drink wine til around 5 or 6. Then we'd drink beer til around 11 or 12. Then we'd write until around 4 or 5 a.m... Then do it again the next day.




Do you guys have any political songs on this record? Move Along had "Top of the World," which seemed like a poetic "fuck you" to George Dubya.
We don't have anything too overt. We feel like since we're in a position where a lot of our younger listeners can be influenced by what we say, we want to be careful about it. We don't think it's our place to tell people what or how to think or vote or what to believe. We do, though, have a sort of an apocalyptic love song--"Mona Lisa"--and a song called "Real World" that kind of examines the world a little. One of the lines in "Mona Lisa" is, "You can sit beside me when the world comes down." And "Real World" is like, "This can't be the real world now." As in things can't suck nearly this badly, can they?" Except, you know, not in those words. Tyson's a lot more poetic than I am--there's a big, huge reason why he writes the lyrics and I don't.

What's on your iPod lately?
This is gonna sound bad, but I really hate most new music that's out. I'm just generally unimpressed by almost everything that's being churned out recently.

You know, there's a new Guns n' Roses album out...
I do know, Jessica, and you know what else I know? And I know you know it too: We know it's a piece of shit. I mean, we waited, what? 17 years for that? Really? And you know what else I refuse to listen to? The new Queen. I can understand going on tour with a new singer since your old one is dead, but recording?

It's not Queen without Freddie.
Exactly! This is why we get along.





I'll let you get your rest in just a minute, but first: Butch Walker complained that no one asks questions like "What's your favorite color?" anymore. What's your favorite color?
You know, some other girl in New Jersey actually asked me that yesterday. I told her "11" and she yelled at me because that's a number and not a color. She didn't get it. But when someone asks something that dumb, how can you not give a smartass answer?

That's not a color. That's a number.
I'll tell you what it really is so your answer is different than hers.

Oh yeah?
Yup. My favorite color is... Zebra.

Hey man, at least that's a pattern.
See? I knew I liked you.





*By Jess, who first interviewed this goon back in early 2003, then stood in the cold November rain at 5 a.m. almost six years later to watch his band perform on Today.

Houston Calls: We have no problem here.

What's unique about Houston Calls isn't just their ability to craft some of the best uptempo hooks in music today (though that certainly applies, too). It's their ability to convey wide ranges of genuine emotions, not just in one album, but in single songs.

In "Modest Manifesto," Tom Keiger sings of disheartening "graves of debt," a reflection on the difficulty to balance doing what you love with making a decent living. Building upon that theme, in "Life Won't Wait," Keiger laments, "I've got no four walls to call my own," while revealing a not-so-clandestine love for the Bouncing Souls; "A Shot in the Dark" says, just within its title, how making it in the music industry and in the realm of romance both require not only hard work and dedication, but also quite a bit of luck.

As usual, the band succeeds with their singalong tracks ("Modest Manifesto," "Life Won't Wait," "A Shot in the Dark," and the gang-vocal glory of "Abandone"). Their ballads generally fare relatively well ("Stay With Me Tonight," "The Oaks on Prince St."), but their strength was, is, and likely will remain with their most uptempo tracks.

"It's disheartening and it drives me crazy," Keiger sings of the music scene in "Modest Manifesto." A song later, he changes his tune and sticks up his chin: "Whatever was I thinking? The best times of my life are just beginning." Throughout the album's examinations of both relationships and the difficulties of making it in the music business, no matter how hard either one seems, the band maintains a decided and determined optimism, making them a true gem for listeners.

Hopefully, Houston Calls won't fall with this record. But if they do, fans can rest easy: They'll get back up again, and if their evolution up to this point is any indicator, they'll be even better when they do.



*By Jess, who rediscovered her love for shortbread cookies today.

Love love, kiss kiss, blah blah blah

Some Planet Verge gals are luckier in love than others. Joelle snagged herself a good one (and so did he!), and they're getting married, which is awesome.

Me, I'm one of the less fortunate ones. But dude, pimpin' ain't easy, right?

It inspired me to compile a list of my favorite angry breakup songs. I figure, life is too short--especially for someone as accident prone as I am--to sit around weeping to Coldplay. I'd rather kickbox or fly planes.

(These are alphabetical by artist because I'm taking this directly from my iTunes playlist, and I'm probably forgetting about a million more.)

Alkaline Trio: Even though I don't drink, their lyrics are pretty universally relatable.
Burned is the House: "You were the first real choice I would make, but we all make mistakes."
Stupid Kid: "Remember when I said I love you? Well forget it, I take it back. I was just a stupid kid back then; I take back every word that I said."
Radio: "I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling / In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying / I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you, plugged in and ready to fall"
Jaked on Green Beers: "The only thing that you ever really did for me / Was make me oh so miserable / And the hope that I never see your face again / Is anything but questionable. / I hope this is goodbye."

Ben Folds Five: Maaaaad angsty.
Song for the Dumped: "Give me money back, you bitch." Great if you dated a scrub.

Beyonce: She can't act, and her voice isn't nearly as glorious as Aretha's, but she's got sass. I love sass.
Ring the Alarm: "You ain't never seen a fire like the one I'ma cause."

Blink-182: I don't know why they got so much shit for their final album, because it was the most sophisticated thing they've ever done.
Asthenia: "Should I go back? Should I go back? Should I? This time, I don't want to."

Blu Cantrell: The best way to get even is to get everything.
Hit 'Em Up Style: "When you go then everything goes / From the crib to the ride and the clothes."

Bouncing Souls: The title alone says it all.
Wish Me Well (You Can Go to Hell): "Say goodbye / Kiss my ass / I hope you die / Wish me well / You can go to hell."

Brand New: For when you're so mad, you don't even want them to die by your hands, but their own.
Seventy Times 7: "So don't apologize / I hope you choke and die / Search yourself for something which to hang yourself."

Britney Spears: I know, I know, there goes my rock cred. But I really love the military metaphors here.
Toy Soldier: "I'm tired of privates drivin' / Need a general that ain't weak."

Cher: Shut up. If you don't love her, there is something wrong with you. Pretty much this entire song, but I really like this line.
Strong Enough: "'Cause I've been losing sleep / and you've been going cheap / She ain't worth half of me, it's true."

The Clash: If it gets to this point? I say the latter option is best.
Should I Stay Or Should I Go: "One day it's fine, the next it's black."

Cobra Starship: Because it feels good to dance.
Guilty Pleasure: "And I don't even know what kind of fool you're taking me for."

Count the Stars: Remember these guys? They're off doing other things and have been for a while--Clarke and Adam are in Action Action--but they had a great album back when Victory didn't suck.
Better Off Alone: "I still regret all the time / that has walked right past me."
Taking It All Back: "This world can swallow you whole, but I'll never be taken alive."

DMX: I like any song that makes me wanna punch someone in the teeth.
Party Up: "Listen, your ass is about to me missin' / You know who gon' find you? / Some old man fishin'."


Everclear: This isn't actually a breakup song, but the threats in it are off the chain.
Like a California King: "I will find you in the crowded room / I will knock you off your feet / I will burn you just like teenage love / I will eat you just like meat / I will break you into pieces / Hold you up for all the world to see / What makes you think you're better than me?"

Everyday's Monday: My pal Larry's old band had a great one.
Happy Now: "Now I am bouncing back / Higher than I've ever been."

The Films: Love these guys. This song makes me want to get into a bar fight.
Black Shoes: "I'm gonna put him in his place / With charm and grace / Elegance and style."

Fiona Apple: Angst city.
Limp: "You want the badge of honour when you save my hide / But youre the one in the way / Of the day of doom, baby / If you need my shame to reclaim your pride."

Frank Sinatra: Ah, the Chairman of the Board.
Why Should I Cry Over You?: "Although you have left me / alone to pine / And all of my love was / a big fat waste of time / Someday your heart will be broken like mine / So why should I cry over you?"

Gloria Gaynor: If I need to explain this to you, you're probably a troglodyte. Or one of my exes. Tomayto, tomahto.
I Will Survive: "Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I!"

Harry Nilsson: The opening line of this song says it best.
"You're breakin' my heart / You're tearin' it apart / So fuck you."

Head Automatica: Because, again, dancing feels good. Especially dancing away memories of a [man]skank.
Lying Through Your Teeth: "Girl, your love's so cheap / They've been passing you around / There's cheating on your lips / And you've been the talk of my town."

Hit the Lights: They're gonna have a really, really hard time filling Colin's void. That boy could sing, and he could sing distinctively.
Save Your Breath: "I've wasted all this time on you / It's all the same / We all make mistakes, and if you didn't notice, I'm taking this for all it's worth / If it's a game and these are the stakes / I know I got the best shot for taking you out of the race."
Three Oh Nine: "Cry all you like, kid / It's no secret you faked it."
Bodybag: "You're gonna need a bodybag / I'll break bones you didn't know you had / When I'm done there will be nothing left of you / For your friends to hold on to / When they find you cold and blue tonight / Face down in a parking lot."
These Backs Are Made for Stabbing: "You are so obvious / Predictable / And someday, your games will catch up to you."

Houston Calls: Even though they played our zine out a bunch of times and threatened to sue us, I still do like their music.
Exit, Emergency: "I'll put the fire out / Extinguish everything / Might even forget your name."
A Pen and a Piece of Mind: "Can't you see we're done, we're through, I'm well enough and I'm quite over you / So end the calls, goodbye / I'll see you on the other side."

Jay-Z: Just about anything of his either gets me excited or heated. And those are two very good things for me to be. Bonus points for any remixes of the following.
Threat: A tie between "And I don't need two lips / To blow this like a trumpet, you dumb shit" and "I'm especially Joe Pesci wit' it, friend / I will kill you, commit suicide / And kill you again."
99 Problems: Duh. "I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one."
Public Service Announcement: "Only God can judge me, so I'm gone / Either love me or leave me alone."
Izzo (H.O.V.A.): "He who does not feel me / Is not real to me / Therefore he doesn't exist / So poof / Vamoose, sonuvabitch!"
Dirt Off Your Shoulders: "Ladies is pimps too."
Ignorant Shit: "I'm so bossy / Bitch, get off me."
Success (feat. Nas): "I used to give a fuck, now I give a fuck less."

Jet Lag Gemini: Again, not a breakup song, but it's an angry one. And on the off chance that Misha is reading this--stop touring and come back to HIP Video! We miss you!
Run This City: "When I come in / You start to sin / Don't worry, don't worry / I got it."

Jimmy Eat World: Most of their breakup songs are heartbreaking, not rage inducing. This one may not even be a real breakup song, but it captures the feeling of being disgusted with everyone around you nicely.
Blister: "And how long will it take me / To walk across the United States / All alone?"

John Lee Hooker: The title of this song says more than I can.
It Serves You Right to Suffer: Because really, your ex does.

John Mayer: Ah, my husband.
Good Love Is On the Way: "I'm done with broken people / This is me I'm workin' on."
I'm Gonna Find Another You: "You might have your reasons, but you will never have my rhyme." Especially effective if you proofread your ex's papers. Ahem.

June: I'm more upset about their breakup than my own. Is that bad?
A Taste: "You're such a shameless accident."
I've Got the Time If You've Got the Argument: "It's worse than you think when you feel nothing."

Justin Timberlake: I know. I know.
Cry Me a River: I like to say, personally, "Cry me a river and inhale it." But I'm also really, really mean.
What Goes Around...: Because it does.

Kelis: God, I love this woman. I really, really love this woman.
Caught Out There: "Look, I found her red coat / And your bitch / Caught out there / I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!"

Lily Allen: Say what you want about her personal life, but the girl can write one helluva rueful, bratty song.
Smile: "But you were fucking the girl next door / What'd you do that for?"

Little Jackie: I love, love, love them. They're on VH1 a lot, so you may recognize their song "The World Should Revolve Around Me" from New York Goes to Hollywood commercials.
The World Should Revolve Around Me: "So keep screwing that bitch from down the block / I don't need you around, I know I rock."
Cryin' for the Queen: This one's not really a breakup song, but this line is fabulous: "Think I’m being territorial? / I’ma get patriotic on ya ass / Stars and stripes / Acting all sassy and crass."
I Liked You Better Before: "I thought I caught a nice guy who caught my eye
You didn’t have a care, you didn’t have a clue / But seems I brought the worst out in you."
LOL: Obviously, this one works on multiple levels for me. "Toss you in the trash / Then reduce you to an acronym / WTF? You reply / I laugh so hard I almost cry / Beat you to the punch line / Broke your heart before you broke mine."
Guys Like when Girls Kiss: "There probably ain’t one woman on Earth who hasn’t considered this / Men are from another planet, how can we possibly co-exist? / They came from Mars, women came from Venus / We think with our brains, men think with their penis."

Love Automatic: Friends of the PV staff as well as composers of some catchy dance rock. Nice.
One Foot Short: "Revenge was on my mind / Since the day my blood first finished clotting."

The Maine: Another good one to dance to when you're pissed off.
The Way We Talk (Remix): "You're as fake as the moans you make / And you're as weak as the hearts you break."

Mariah Carey: Say what you want about Mimi, but the broad can sing her ass off.
Did I Do That?: "Now it's all in the past / When I think of you I just laugh / My friends must have thought I was high / To have given so much to someone not worth my time."
Shake it Off: "Just ask your momma, she knows / You're gonna miss me baby, hate to say I told you so."
Someday: "Someday the one you gave away / Will be the only one you're wishing for."

Maroon 5: They're pervy, sure, and borderline adult contemporary, but Adam Levine? He gets mad. I like that.
Makes Me Wonder: Duhr. "And it really makes me wonder / If I ever gave a fuck about you."
Harder to Breathe: "I have a tendency of getting very physical / So watch your step 'cause if I do / You'll need a miracle."

Mika: I. Love. This. Man.
My Interpretation: "It's really not such a sacrifice / If I never talk to you again, / This is not about emotion, / I don't need a reason not to care what you say, / Or what happened in the end. / This is my interpretation, / And it don't, don't make sense."
Grace Kelly: "Why don't you like me? / Why don't you like me? / Why don't you like yourself? / Should I bend over / Should I look older / Just to be put on your shelf?"

New Found Glory: Classic pogo-ers. Their newer material is more melacholy than snotty. While their last album of original work was fantastic, it was also sad. At this point, we are doing away with sad and rewinding back to pissy.
Understatement: "I'm done with everything / That had to do with you / Don't worry, your pictures are already burned / I'm done with new friends / Don't sell yourself short / You'll lose it in the end."

Plain White T's: Fuck Delilah (by the way, that song came out in '05, so I don't know why people only just picked up on it relatively recently).
Hate (I Really Don't Like You): "Hate is a strong word / But I really, really, really don't like you / Now that it's over / I don't even know what I liked about you."

The Ramones: Because jumping feels good.
I'm Against It: This whole song.

Rihanna: I find both her music and her voice to be generally overrated and annoying, and I hated all the singles (including "Umbrella") from her latest release. This song, however? Love. It. I also love her style if that counts for anything.
Breakin' Dishes: "Is he cheating? / Man, I don't know / I'm lookin' around for something else to throw."

Say Anything: Usually too verbose for my adrenaline rages, but this song kills it... And inspires me to exfoliate regularly.
It's a Metaphor Fool: "All you are to me is dead skin / Flaking off my hands onto the pavement."

Spitalfield: Would a reunion show for my birthday in November be too much to ask? Maybe. In the meantime, go see Mark Rose's solo show at Maxwell's next Friday!
What Were You Thinking: "Let's make the other bed she'd sleep in / Recount the plastic stars taped to his ceiling / May they all fall down."
So I Heard You Joined a Convent: "Do you feel scandalous / Running fingers through my hair / Knowing inside if I was not there / You'd be somewhere else / With somebody else / Your fell for less / Just like I fell for you."

The Starting Line: Hey, since they broke up, there's always their audio dopplegangers in The Maine, right?
Surprise, Surprise: "I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you / And I probably always will."
Cut! Print It: "So I guess I'll just get going, I've got better topics now / And I'm off to find some blank pages to write all of them down / Because these ones have been dirtied with the mentioning of you / And you know I wouldn't say I hate you if it wasn't true."

Straylight Run: The classic "Ay yo Adam Lazzara, quit whining like a bitch" songs. (Michelle--you were way too gorgeous for him anyway. Get it, girl.)
Take It to Manhattan: "I've had it up to here with all these songs of self-imposed unhappiness."
Still Alone: "I could write a list / of people I dont miss / I'm sorry but / I'm so much better off without you."

Taylor Swift: Dude, I hate country. But I absolutely love love love her.
Picture to Burn: "So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive / And crazy that's fine / I'll tell mine / That you're gay."

Ted Nugent: I disagree with most of his politics, but come on. How can you listen to this song and not at least chuckle?
Kiss My Ass: "Hey Courtney Love..." I won't go into the rest. It's crass, but damn, it's hilarious.

Twisted Sister: Come on, you knew this was coming.
We're Not Gonna Take It: "Oh, you're so condescending / Your gall is neverending / We don't want nothin' / Not a thing from you."


*By Jess, who's happy to be able to once more "flirt like it's her job."

Alkaline Trio - Agony & Irony indeed

Instead of gushing, I will simply say that the new Alkaline Trio album, Agony & Irony, their first since signing with Epic, is absolutely their best to date. Their trademark dark lyrics are contrasted by some of the catchiest choruses I've heard all year so far, and they're poised to finally take over the rock world.

With that said, some idiots on their myspace page are complaining about the new material and think the band sold out and will now be followed by 14-year-old girls.

The band did not sell out or dramatically change their sound at all. If you listen to their catalog from Goddamnit to Crimson, you'll see a natural progression and evolution that they're simply continuing on Agony & Irony.

One gal bitched via comment, "Now I have a tattoo that I'm not proud of anymore!" Boo-fucking-hoo, seriously. If you're immature enough to think so selfishly (and if your taste is as bad as this broad's), you probably shouldn't even consider getting inked in the first place.

It's agonizing and ironic that some kids who love a band so much are so quick to ditch them once they're poised for popularity. I'm sure they'd rather have loyal 14-year-old girls at their shows than their fickle older sisters.


*By Jess, who lives young.

PlayRadioPlay! released from Island Records

On his myspace blog, PlayRadioPlay!'s Dan Hunter announced his departure from Island Records. Hunter also denounces the music industry as a whole, claiming it's "going the way of the cassette tape."

While I can agree with him on one level--the industry is pretty fucked, and they're not adapting to technology and new methods of promotion at all--he also isn't taking too much responsibility for his big fault, either.

PlayRadioPlay!'s Island debut, The Frequency E.P., was a wonderful confection, but his full length, Texas, was mediocre at best. It didn't have many hooks or melodies or anything to grab, capture and keep a listener. In addition, while his blogs are all well-written, clever, and raise many good points, I can't help but sense some sour grapes.

This isn't to say the label did a good job promoting the record. Aside from us and a review in Entertainment Weekly, I didn't see any press for it anywhere. In addition, the label tended to pick the shittiest songs for singles, which couldn't have helped the then-17-year-old's case.

Dan, instead of pointing fingers, just sing about it. It could be your big break.


*By Jess, who made the best chicken alfredo in history last night.

"One of the Boys" is right.

Katy Perry's solo major label debut, One of the Boys, demonstrates that on major labels, music is a business--not an art.

For one, works of art don't come with press kits the size of Dostoyevsky novels.

More importantly: Art is generally original, whereas Perry's works mainly bite off of other mainstream pop acts. Her heavily rotating single, "I Kissed a Girl," tackles the heavy issue of Girls Gone Wild-era bisexuality; a more convincing and believable ode to experimentation would be "Oh My God" by Pink--incidentally, quite a few of Perry's hooks are reminiscent to Ms. Alecia Moore's as well. When she's not pulling a Pink, Perry morphs into a prettier Kelly Clarkson ("Waking Up in Vegas," an admitted pop gem) or Avril Lavigne ("Thinking of You").

Armed with a dream team of producers from Planet Verge favorite Butch Walker to pop monster maker Max Martin, Perry's strained vocals skip along lyrics that are indeed catchy--but not quite as clever as she wants us to think. From "Hot N' Cold's" line "You PMS like a bitch / I would know" to nearly all of "Ur So Gay" and "I Kissed a Girl," Perry proves she's one of the boys in that she has the lyrical capacity of a middle school male.

Katy Perry's record may not be good for the furthering of the arts, but she's great for big business.

...Just don't expect her to shatter any glass ceilings.

*By Jess, who is wearing keyboard-print flip flops.

Two patterns:

Blender tends to put women on their covers. I get it. After all, it's a sister mag to Maxim. But it's also a music magazine, so can someone please, for the life of me, explain why the Hades Tila Tequila is on the cover of the latest issue? I know she has that fauxmantic reality show, I know she released a few songs--but they were all shitty. If a music publication is to be taken seriously, why aren't they exposing serious musicians? There are plenty of beautiful femmes who can actually pen and carry a tune (Alanis, Mariah, even Natasha Bedingfield come to mind). Why waste our time on this lascivious leprechaun character?

When a lip synching performer's vocal track errs, they will do a jig. It wasn't just Ashlee Simpson. A singer in a live band at a wedding I went to this weekend did the same thing to a slightly higher-pitched cover of "No One" by Alicia Keys. Once she messed up her vocals, what did she and, subsequently, another male singer do? They did jigs. Is there a law somewhere requiring this?


*By Jess, who did a lot of nothing today.

Don't cross the bridge into music. Just go down the river.

Just because someone fills out a gown nicely and is passable as an actor or actress, it does not mean they can carry a tune to save his or her life.

Jennifer Lopez? Let's hear her sing live without backing tracks, without dancing, without Marc, without spectacle. Keanu Reeves? Please, how many of you know who Dogstar are? Lindsay and Ali Lohan? Really? Hilary Duff, while I think she's classy and refined and adorable, can't sing live worth dung. While Emmy Rossum does a pretty convincing Imogen Heap ripoff, very few actors and actresses are capable of producing quality tunes.

The latest on the list is Scarlett Johansson. Her video for "Falling Down," a Tom Waits cover, has hit the Internets in a storm, and frankly, it sucks. Here's why:

1) The broad can't sing. Even under all the production and multilayered tracks, she sounds like a constipated chronic smoker.
2) What a waste of David Bowie's talent. If he sang the entire track, as opposed to backing vocals, we might actually have a good song on our hands.
3) What the Hell is she doing in this video? Great, you got your hair done. Great, you're putting your makeup on. Great, fans give you flowers. But um, why are you blowing pensive gum bubbles and hanging out with Salman Rushdie? Salman Rushdie? No, seriously. What the Hell?

*By Jess, whose virgin eyes are trying really hard to ignore the visuals below.

I am not an American Idol fan.

I'm really not, and I can't stand most of the contestants--winners nor losers (though you gotta admit, despite not selling well, Ruben Studdard was absolutely precious). However, my mom watches it religiously, and last night I walked in on this performance by a fellow named Jason Castro (which, let's be serious, is awesome enough in itself):



After that, I immediately fell in love and scoured YouTube for him, and he's that good all the time. So now, I'll watch A.I. for his performances, then shut it off because I know for a fact that no one will be better.

And really--those eyes!


*By Jess, who's stoked to see Spoons for Adam this Saturday at the Khyber in Philly--keep me company!

Smashing Pumpkins smash profits

The Smashing Pumpkins are suing Virgin Records.

The band claims that the record label is using their name illegally in advertising and promotions with Amazon.com and Pepsi, and that these marketing attempts are detrimental to the band's credibility.

According to the Associated Press, the lawsuit demands the profits of the promotions and an injunction against any further use of the band's name or music in cross-advertising.

Virgin Records has owned the rights to the band's songs and released them for the past 17 years. The Smashing Pumpkins have an agreement with Virgin to release digital copies of their records, but claim in the suit that there is no permission granted to tie the band's music with any other merchandise.

The band would "never grant such authority to Virgin, or any other entity."

Essentially, the Smashing Pumpkins feel they're being sold out, and they don't like it. This is a refreshing change from the insane cross-promotional deals of so many acts. Remember when the Spice Girls had their own bubble gum? While tasty, it really did nothing to further the arts.


*By Jess, who has an unhealthy obsession with Medieval Times.

Rediscover offers their material for free!

My favorite powerpop act, Rediscover, are offering their unreleased songs to listeners for free. They're encouraging filesharing!

This is in addition to their already long-free for download E.P., Call Me When You Get This.

Check out some of Planet Verge's Rediscover live videos from their January 27th show at Mainstage in Pompton Lakes, N.J. Forgive the shakiness--it's hard to film when you're busy dancing. (And listen closely to Wes's dedication in the last one!)








**By Jess, who for some inexplicable reason has a cowboy hat on her desk. Seriously, how the Hell did this get here?

Your new favorite band

Let Me Run just got signed to XOXO Records. If you like Springsteen, The Gaslight Anthem, drinking, love, dancing, seedy bars, basements, having fun, and beards, this band is for you--and for Lou Diamond of the Court Tavern, who deemed them the next big thing.

We think you'll agree.


Travis (vocals, guitar, padlock connoisseur):





Corey (guitar, background vocals, white chocolate fan):




Christian (drums, wise man):




Louis (bass, background vocals, twin):





*By Jess, who was mean to guitarist Corey Perez in elementary school, but cherishes him dearly now and owes him white chocolate chip cookies.