Some Planet Verge gals are luckier in love than others. Joelle snagged herself a good one (and so did he!), and they're getting married, which is awesome.
Me, I'm one of the less fortunate ones. But dude, pimpin' ain't easy, right?
It inspired me to compile a list of my favorite angry breakup songs. I figure, life is too short--especially for someone as accident prone as I am--to sit around weeping to Coldplay. I'd rather kickbox or fly planes.
(These are alphabetical by artist because I'm taking this directly from my iTunes playlist, and I'm probably forgetting about a million more.)
Alkaline Trio: Even though I don't drink, their lyrics are pretty universally relatable.
Burned is the House: "You were the first real choice I would make, but we all make mistakes."
Stupid Kid: "Remember when I said I love you? Well forget it, I take it back. I was just a stupid kid back then; I take back every word that I said."
Radio: "I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling / In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying / I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you, plugged in and ready to fall"
Jaked on Green Beers: "The only thing that you ever really did for me / Was make me oh so miserable / And the hope that I never see your face again / Is anything but questionable. / I hope this is goodbye."
Ben Folds Five: Maaaaad angsty.
Song for the Dumped: "Give me money back, you bitch." Great if you dated a scrub.
Beyonce: She can't act, and her voice isn't nearly as glorious as Aretha's, but she's got sass. I love sass.
Ring the Alarm: "You ain't never seen a fire like the one I'ma cause."
Blink-182: I don't know why they got so much shit for their final album, because it was the most sophisticated thing they've ever done.
Asthenia: "Should I go back? Should I go back? Should I? This time, I don't want to."
Blu Cantrell: The best way to get even is to get everything.
Hit 'Em Up Style: "When you go then everything goes / From the crib to the ride and the clothes."
Bouncing Souls: The title alone says it all.
Wish Me Well (You Can Go to Hell): "Say goodbye / Kiss my ass / I hope you die / Wish me well / You can go to hell."
Brand New: For when you're so mad, you don't even want them to die by your hands, but their own.
Seventy Times 7: "So don't apologize / I hope you choke and die / Search yourself for something which to hang yourself."
Britney Spears: I know, I know, there goes my rock cred. But I really love the military metaphors here.
Toy Soldier: "I'm tired of privates drivin' / Need a general that ain't weak."
Cher: Shut up. If you don't love her, there is something wrong with you. Pretty much this entire song, but I really like this line.
Strong Enough: "'Cause I've been losing sleep / and you've been going cheap / She ain't worth half of me, it's true."
The Clash: If it gets to this point? I say the latter option is best.
Should I Stay Or Should I Go: "One day it's fine, the next it's black."
Cobra Starship: Because it feels good to dance.
Guilty Pleasure: "And I don't even know what kind of fool you're taking me for."
Count the Stars: Remember these guys? They're off doing other things and have been for a while--Clarke and Adam are in Action Action--but they had a great album back when Victory didn't suck.
Better Off Alone: "I still regret all the time / that has walked right past me."
Taking It All Back: "This world can swallow you whole, but I'll never be taken alive."
DMX: I like any song that makes me wanna punch someone in the teeth.
Party Up: "Listen, your ass is about to me missin' / You know who gon' find you? / Some old man fishin'."
Everclear: This isn't actually a breakup song, but the threats in it are off the chain.
Like a California King: "I will find you in the crowded room / I will knock you off your feet / I will burn you just like teenage love / I will eat you just like meat / I will break you into pieces / Hold you up for all the world to see / What makes you think you're better than me?"
Everyday's Monday: My pal Larry's old band had a great one.
Happy Now: "Now I am bouncing back / Higher than I've ever been."
The Films: Love these guys. This song makes me want to get into a bar fight.
Black Shoes: "I'm gonna put him in his place / With charm and grace / Elegance and style."
Fiona Apple: Angst city.
Limp: "You want the badge of honour when you save my hide / But youre the one in the way / Of the day of doom, baby / If you need my shame to reclaim your pride."
Frank Sinatra: Ah, the Chairman of the Board.
Why Should I Cry Over You?: "Although you have left me / alone to pine / And all of my love was / a big fat waste of time / Someday your heart will be broken like mine / So why should I cry over you?"
Gloria Gaynor: If I need to explain this to you, you're probably a troglodyte. Or one of my exes. Tomayto, tomahto.
I Will Survive: "Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I!"
Harry Nilsson: The opening line of this song says it best.
"You're breakin' my heart / You're tearin' it apart / So fuck you."
Head Automatica: Because, again, dancing feels good. Especially dancing away memories of a [man]skank.
Lying Through Your Teeth: "Girl, your love's so cheap / They've been passing you around / There's cheating on your lips / And you've been the talk of my town."
Hit the Lights: They're gonna have a really, really hard time filling Colin's void. That boy could sing, and he could sing distinctively.
Save Your Breath: "I've wasted all this time on you / It's all the same / We all make mistakes, and if you didn't notice, I'm taking this for all it's worth / If it's a game and these are the stakes / I know I got the best shot for taking you out of the race."
Three Oh Nine: "Cry all you like, kid / It's no secret you faked it."
Bodybag: "You're gonna need a bodybag / I'll break bones you didn't know you had / When I'm done there will be nothing left of you / For your friends to hold on to / When they find you cold and blue tonight / Face down in a parking lot."
These Backs Are Made for Stabbing: "You are so obvious / Predictable / And someday, your games will catch up to you."
Houston Calls: Even though they played our zine out a bunch of times and threatened to sue us, I still do like their music.
Exit, Emergency: "I'll put the fire out / Extinguish everything / Might even forget your name."
A Pen and a Piece of Mind: "Can't you see we're done, we're through, I'm well enough and I'm quite over you / So end the calls, goodbye / I'll see you on the other side."
Jay-Z: Just about anything of his either gets me excited or heated. And those are two very good things for me to be. Bonus points for any remixes of the following.
Threat: A tie between "And I don't need two lips / To blow this like a trumpet, you dumb shit" and "I'm especially Joe Pesci wit' it, friend / I will kill you, commit suicide / And kill you again."
99 Problems: Duh. "I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one."
Public Service Announcement: "Only God can judge me, so I'm gone / Either love me or leave me alone."
Izzo (H.O.V.A.): "He who does not feel me / Is not real to me / Therefore he doesn't exist / So poof / Vamoose, sonuvabitch!"
Dirt Off Your Shoulders: "Ladies is pimps too."
Ignorant Shit: "I'm so bossy / Bitch, get off me."
Success (feat. Nas): "I used to give a fuck, now I give a fuck less."
Jet Lag Gemini: Again, not a breakup song, but it's an angry one. And on the off chance that Misha is reading this--stop touring and come back to HIP Video! We miss you!
Run This City: "When I come in / You start to sin / Don't worry, don't worry / I got it."
Jimmy Eat World: Most of their breakup songs are heartbreaking, not rage inducing. This one may not even be a real breakup song, but it captures the feeling of being disgusted with everyone around you nicely.
Blister: "And how long will it take me / To walk across the United States / All alone?"
John Lee Hooker: The title of this song says more than I can.
It Serves You Right to Suffer: Because really, your ex does.
John Mayer: Ah, my husband.
Good Love Is On the Way: "I'm done with broken people / This is me I'm workin' on."
I'm Gonna Find Another You: "You might have your reasons, but you will never have my rhyme." Especially effective if you proofread your ex's papers. Ahem.
June: I'm more upset about their breakup than my own. Is that bad?
A Taste: "You're such a shameless accident."
I've Got the Time If You've Got the Argument: "It's worse than you think when you feel nothing."
Justin Timberlake: I know. I know.
Cry Me a River: I like to say, personally, "Cry me a river and inhale it." But I'm also really, really mean.
What Goes Around...: Because it does.
Kelis: God, I love this woman. I really, really love this woman.
Caught Out There: "Look, I found her red coat / And your bitch / Caught out there / I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!"
Lily Allen: Say what you want about her personal life, but the girl can write one helluva rueful, bratty song.
Smile: "But you were fucking the girl next door / What'd you do that for?"
Little Jackie: I love, love, love them. They're on VH1 a lot, so you may recognize their song "The World Should Revolve Around Me" from New York Goes to Hollywood commercials.
The World Should Revolve Around Me: "So keep screwing that bitch from down the block / I don't need you around, I know I rock."
Cryin' for the Queen: This one's not really a breakup song, but this line is fabulous: "Think I’m being territorial? / I’ma get patriotic on ya ass / Stars and stripes / Acting all sassy and crass."
I Liked You Better Before: "I thought I caught a nice guy who caught my eye
You didn’t have a care, you didn’t have a clue / But seems I brought the worst out in you."
LOL: Obviously, this one works on multiple levels for me. "Toss you in the trash / Then reduce you to an acronym / WTF? You reply / I laugh so hard I almost cry / Beat you to the punch line / Broke your heart before you broke mine."
Guys Like when Girls Kiss: "There probably ain’t one woman on Earth who hasn’t considered this / Men are from another planet, how can we possibly co-exist? / They came from Mars, women came from Venus / We think with our brains, men think with their penis."
Love Automatic: Friends of the PV staff as well as composers of some catchy dance rock. Nice.
One Foot Short: "Revenge was on my mind / Since the day my blood first finished clotting."
The Maine: Another good one to dance to when you're pissed off.
The Way We Talk (Remix): "You're as fake as the moans you make / And you're as weak as the hearts you break."
Mariah Carey: Say what you want about Mimi, but the broad can sing her ass off.
Did I Do That?: "Now it's all in the past / When I think of you I just laugh / My friends must have thought I was high / To have given so much to someone not worth my time."
Shake it Off: "Just ask your momma, she knows / You're gonna miss me baby, hate to say I told you so."
Someday: "Someday the one you gave away / Will be the only one you're wishing for."
Maroon 5: They're pervy, sure, and borderline adult contemporary, but Adam Levine? He gets mad. I like that.
Makes Me Wonder: Duhr. "And it really makes me wonder / If I ever gave a fuck about you."
Harder to Breathe: "I have a tendency of getting very physical / So watch your step 'cause if I do / You'll need a miracle."
Mika: I. Love. This. Man.
My Interpretation: "It's really not such a sacrifice / If I never talk to you again, / This is not about emotion, / I don't need a reason not to care what you say, / Or what happened in the end. / This is my interpretation, / And it don't, don't make sense."
Grace Kelly: "Why don't you like me? / Why don't you like me? / Why don't you like yourself? / Should I bend over / Should I look older / Just to be put on your shelf?"
New Found Glory: Classic pogo-ers. Their newer material is more melacholy than snotty. While their last album of original work was fantastic, it was also sad. At this point, we are doing away with sad and rewinding back to pissy.
Understatement: "I'm done with everything / That had to do with you / Don't worry, your pictures are already burned / I'm done with new friends / Don't sell yourself short / You'll lose it in the end."
Plain White T's: Fuck Delilah (by the way, that song came out in '05, so I don't know why people only just picked up on it relatively recently).
Hate (I Really Don't Like You): "Hate is a strong word / But I really, really, really don't like you / Now that it's over / I don't even know what I liked about you."
The Ramones: Because jumping feels good.
I'm Against It: This whole song.
Rihanna: I find both her music and her voice to be generally overrated and annoying, and I hated all the singles (including "Umbrella") from her latest release. This song, however? Love. It. I also love her style if that counts for anything.
Breakin' Dishes: "Is he cheating? / Man, I don't know / I'm lookin' around for something else to throw."
Say Anything: Usually too verbose for my adrenaline rages, but this song kills it... And inspires me to exfoliate regularly.
It's a Metaphor Fool: "All you are to me is dead skin / Flaking off my hands onto the pavement."
Spitalfield: Would a reunion show for my birthday in November be too much to ask? Maybe. In the meantime, go see Mark Rose's solo show at Maxwell's next Friday!
What Were You Thinking: "Let's make the other bed she'd sleep in / Recount the plastic stars taped to his ceiling / May they all fall down."
So I Heard You Joined a Convent: "Do you feel scandalous / Running fingers through my hair / Knowing inside if I was not there / You'd be somewhere else / With somebody else / Your fell for less / Just like I fell for you."
The Starting Line: Hey, since they broke up, there's always their audio dopplegangers in The Maine, right?
Surprise, Surprise: "I'll be your friend in hell, until then I despise you / And I probably always will."
Cut! Print It: "So I guess I'll just get going, I've got better topics now / And I'm off to find some blank pages to write all of them down / Because these ones have been dirtied with the mentioning of you / And you know I wouldn't say I hate you if it wasn't true."
Straylight Run: The classic "Ay yo Adam Lazzara, quit whining like a bitch" songs. (Michelle--you were way too gorgeous for him anyway. Get it, girl.)
Take It to Manhattan: "I've had it up to here with all these songs of self-imposed unhappiness."
Still Alone: "I could write a list / of people I dont miss / I'm sorry but / I'm so much better off without you."
Taylor Swift: Dude, I hate country. But I absolutely love love love her.
Picture to Burn: "So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive / And crazy that's fine / I'll tell mine / That you're gay."
Ted Nugent: I disagree with most of his politics, but come on. How can you listen to this song and not at least chuckle?
Kiss My Ass: "Hey Courtney Love..." I won't go into the rest. It's crass, but damn, it's hilarious.
Twisted Sister: Come on, you knew this was coming.
We're Not Gonna Take It: "Oh, you're so condescending / Your gall is neverending / We don't want nothin' / Not a thing from you."
*By Jess, who's happy to be able to once more "flirt like it's her job."