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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

There's A Reason He's Still Single.

In my two and a half months of post long-term relationship single life, I've met a lot of men. It's amazing how many charming, cute and seemingly-eligible bachelors there are out there when you open your eyes and are ready to see them. And it's so easy to meet them. Just last week I locked eyes with a guy on the 2 train. Embarrassed, and not really wanting to get to know my fellow commuters outside of the boxcar, I looked away and rushed off the train, hiding amongst the masses of the evening rush hour. I was halfway up my block (and rocking out to Motion City Soundtrack on my iPod) when I was startled by the 2-train guy, patting my shoulder.

To my point - they are around every corner, every city block, in every cab and train, at the gym, at the grocery store, the seemingly-eligible men are everywhere I go!

Seems great, right? So many men, so little time?

Not at all.

How do I pick the good ones? Just because a guy chases me off the train, does that mean I should give him a chance? Who do I let through and who do I pass up?

Despite the hoards of men all around, meeting a decent one doesn't come easy. The curating process is a bitch.

There's just always something wrong.

Most recent loser: John.

I thought I had been a curator worthy of the finest art museums on Museum Mile. I thought I had weeded out the creeps for a real man. A smart, fun, witty and ever so cute one! I was even ready, if all continued smoothly, to drop the runners-up, the b-team and the c-team of the "mediocre but maybe this will become awesome eventually" men.

John and I had an amazing first and second date and many great conversations. Dates with John were spontaneous, but well thought-out on his part. For example, he knew how much I liked live music so he picked a show for us to go to – after which we hopped around to every dive bar on the Lower East Side before a late night dessert at Yaffa CafĂ©. Knowing I was a vegetarian, on our first date he took me to one of the best vegan restaurants in the city where we enjoyed four courses and three hours of stimulating conversation.

I knew I liked him a lot. And he seemed to like me, too. Each time I saw him he told me many times that he loved being around me, that I was amazing, smart and beautiful. Why was this man still single? How could it be that he'd lived ten years longer than me and still hadn't found anyone yet?

Of course there was a reason!

The first sign that something was off was when I called him on a Sunday night and he cut me short because he was at work. I was a little put-off by the conversation, but understood he was at the office, and who likes to chat when you're at the office on the weekend anyway? He called me back two hours later, but he was even more distant. He asked if we could just talk during the week, and, hardly listening to my reply, hung up the phone.

When the apology e-mail came 24 hours later, I was happy to agree to see him again on Valentines Day.

When he picked me up, he claimed that all the flower shops within three blocks were out of roses and he felt awful because I "deserve all the roses in the city." I swear, he really said that..

I wasn't expecting flowers and didn't care that he showed up empty-handed (really, I didn't!). What bothers me now is that he was clearly lying and I was too hung up on trying to hold onto what I thought was a good catch to question his damn line. Even if he had gone to all the flower shops within three blocks (there are about
four) and couldn't find roses, if he'd made that much effort to look, he probably would've come back with tulips or something, right?

That night he told me that he wanted to spend every second with me.
He wanted to go to work with me, sit in boring meetings with me, watch me write contracts!

And then things really went downhill.

The next day he cancelled our plans for the following night because of a hang over. On Saturday he was "visiting family til late" and on Monday, he left the lamest voicemail message: "It's definitely been a while. I blame myself. I'd really love to see you today, but I have plans. Talk to you later!"

I get it – it's over. Unfortunately, it took me those few hits to my ego because I didn't want to admit that I bagged a bad apple.

But, in life and lust and dating disasters, there's always a message:

Ahh, the reason why he's still single at 35! (That is, unless he's not actually single and has a girlfriend he's cheating on). Any way you look at it, John is a huge asshole.

*by Jordana, who wasn't sure if she should post this, but who is dedicating this to dating women everywhere. Just say no to assholes.


N said...

Aww, assholes suck! Sorry to hear that happened to you >:( Really, where are these men coming from???!

amy said...

sounds like he's probably seeing someone else. too bad she doesn't know about it all. what a tool.

Joe Marconi said...

If he was serious, if he really wanted you, he'd focus only on you and pursue you and you would know exactly what was going. It's unfortunate these days that we play so many games.

People - let's pass more notes asking if we like each other. Let's skip all the bullshit. Please!

Planet Verge said...

What a heaving sack of douche.
I'm surprised I haven't dated him!

But in all seriousness--you're so goodlooking, smart, and charming and can do SO much better. And I think it's awesome that you posted this, and I hope he reads it and realize what an idiot he is.

Also, roses are nice, but kind of cliche. Next time, DEMAND orchids.


Planet Verge said...

I had something really similar happen to me. The guy said he was falling in love with me, but there was something in his life he couldn't tell me yet. So after not being able to meet his family and friends, and being ditched on weekends, we eventually had the "we're breaking up" convo. A year or so later, thanks to MySpace, I discovered he had a CHILD and GIRLFRIEND living with him. Now he is married to her and they have another baby. SCUM BAG.

Shady John is not worth your time, and you are worth dozens of flowers. Maybe he is mental.

And you know, it's kinda fun to meet all the wrong guys and have new experiences until you find someone worth getting more serious with.


MissWanda said...
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Anonymous said...

Girls do that too or worse, since they feel entitled not give reasons, they just won't return the call until they are ready - As a man your not supposed to show you are bothered by that because it seems possessive. He didn't like you. He may have been using you to fill a void or he lost interest over something. You may both be assholes, you seem to be shallow as well....hope this helps.

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